A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
