When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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