I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
