She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
