As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
