is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
