This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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