stop calling my apartment porn island.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
