I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
