do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
