i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
