U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We got so high we made milksteak
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize