I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
