I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
