I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
