I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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