I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
