On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
