when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize