Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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