Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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