We need to rekindle our bromance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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