I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize