saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
