I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
