Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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