I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i've created a new STD.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
