why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
