Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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