I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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