she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
