She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
