There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
