My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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