last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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