I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
