The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
