apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
