She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
