So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
