Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
