Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize