Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
