Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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