Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
