my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
now i know why i became what i already was.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
