she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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