We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
