I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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