I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
