I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
