and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
