Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
