if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
