i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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