Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize