HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
