dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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