Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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