yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
