Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
